‘Gay’ actually means being happy and self-confident, with a touch of defiance. I realized I lacked all of that. The desires were there within me, but the men out on the street were out of reach. What was I supposed to do?
I had to concretize and express this demanding, urgent, and yes, horny inner world.
I needed to bring my ideal men into existence as tangible, three-dimensional figures, shaped by my own hands, infusing them with the desires that burned so strongly within me. My men look exactly how I want them to and can do everything that I, and only I, desire, without any reservations. That is my creative power. It makes me happy, confident, and ultimately, gay.
In German, the word ‘Schwul’ perhaps conveys the same idea, if not more. ‘Schwul’ embodies and lives the feeling of reclaiming something once considered contemptible.
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